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The Poopy List

The kind where you feel the poopy come out, see poopy on the toilet paper, 
but there's no poopy in the bowl. 


The kind where you feel the poopy come out, see the poopy in the bowl, but there's no poopy on the toilet paper. THE WET POOPY

You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. THE SECOND WAVE POOPY

This poopy happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poopy some more. THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POOPY

Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poopy". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke. THE CORN POOPY

No explanation necessary. THE LINCOLN LOG POOPY

The kind of poopy that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. THE NOTORIUS DRINKER POOPY

The kind of poopy you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush. THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POOPY" POOPY

The kind where you want to poopy, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. THE WET CHEEKS POOPY

Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. THE LIQUID POOPY

That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. THE MEXICAN FOOD POOPY

A class all its own. THE CROWD PLEASER

This poopy is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. THE MOOD ENHANCER

This poopy occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. THE RITUAL

This poopy occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper. THE GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS POOPY

A poopy so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations. THE AFTERSHOCK POOPY

This poopy has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected. THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POOPY

This is any poopy created in the presence of another person. THE GROANER

A poopy so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. THE FLOATER

Characterized by its floatability, this poopy has been known to resurface after many flushings. THE RANGER

A poopy which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. THE PHANTOM POOPY

This appears in the toilet mysteriously, and no one will admit to putting it there. THE PEEK-A-BOO POOPY

Now you see it, now you don't. This poopy is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control. THE BOMBSHELL

A poopy that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poopy (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near poopying facilities. THE SNAKE CHARMER

A long skinny poopy which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless. THE OLYMPIC POOPY

This poopy occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bares a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit. THE BACK-TO-NATURE POOPY

This poopy may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POOPY

An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T poopy. PREMEDITATED POOPY

Laxative induced. Doesn't count. POOPYZOPHERENIA

Fear of poopying - can be fatal! ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POOPY

Also known as a "Still Going" poopy. THE POWER DUMP POOPY

The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done. THE LIQUID PLUMBER POOPY

This kind of poopy is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poopy.) THE SPINAL TAP POOPY

The kind of poopy that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways. THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY POOPYHOLE" POOPY

Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poopies. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. THE PORRIDGE POOPY

The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOPY

When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning. THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOPY

When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water. THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POOPY

Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air. THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" POOPY

Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place. SUPRISE POOPY

The kind where you think you only need to fart so you don't go to the toilet but oops a poopy

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